After a careful examination and failed attempts at other possible remedies such as exercise and diet, I informed a patient complaining of migraine headaches only one likely, though extreme, cure might work - castration. He failed to understand the casual connection, though I admit I don't quite get it myself. Yet I assured him several studies indicated a high percentage of positive results and reminded him just who had the diploma from night medical school. Out of pain and desperation, he submitted to the surgery.
The operation, I am proud to say, was a success. But the ingrate returned to complain of relentless depression that he attributed to his obsessing over the loss of his manhood.
I suggested a scalpel free approach. I referred him to my tailor. "Let him give you a whole new look, at my expense," I offered. "To look good is to feel good, you know."
He agreed.
To his amazement, the tailor merely looked him over and promised that his new suit would be ready within a week.
"Don't you need to take my measurements," my patient asked.
"I know your measurements just by looking at you," the tailor explained. "You wear shirts with a 16-inch neck, size 34 underwear, size 34 pants with a 32-inch in-seam, size 9 shoes and the same size socks."
"That's incredible! You got everything right except the underwear size. I wear a 32, not a 34."
The tailor scanned him again. "Hmmmm, no. You are mistaken. You wear size 34 underwear."
"Hey, listen. I've bought underwear for myself for years. I know that I am a 32."
"That's impossible," the tailor said. "If you wore size 32 underwear, it would put too much pressure on your groin. You would suffer from terrible migraine headaches."
