| THERAPY ROOM ANNEX |
THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ANDY
To say that viewing reruns of a television sitcom can be a religious experience
may sound as sacrilegious as whistling in church. Yet thousands of Christians
across this nation are doing both.
The Andy Griffith Show premiered Oct. 3, 1960, stayed a top 10 favorite
throughout its eight years and has been in syndicated revival ever since. Now,
however, devotees regard it as a source of more than light entertainment.
Bible study teachers use its 249 video parables as course material.
Andy Taylor, the widower sheriff who enforces the moral code of an
apocryphal North Carolina town, stands transformed into a spiritual guide for
those who believe humorous storytelling can come with a meaningful message
- even when it's done via the often vapid medium of commercial TV. And
Barney, Opie, Otis, Goober, Gomer, Floyd, Ernest, Helen, Thelma Lou and
Aunt Bee serve as acolytes along this comic path to enlightment.
The first school of Mayberry theology started in Huntsville, Ala., in June 1998.
Twickenham Church of Christ parishioners Joey Fann and Brad Grasham ...
continued in NuTH0uSE Treatment 64
To say that viewing reruns of a television sitcom can be a religious experience
may sound as sacrilegious as whistling in church. Yet thousands of Christians
across this nation are doing both.
The Andy Griffith Show premiered Oct. 3, 1960, stayed a top 10 favorite
throughout its eight years and has been in syndicated revival ever since. Now,
however, devotees regard it as a source of more than light entertainment.
Bible study teachers use its 249 video parables as course material.
Andy Taylor, the widower sheriff who enforces the moral code of an
apocryphal North Carolina town, stands transformed into a spiritual guide for
those who believe humorous storytelling can come with a meaningful message
- even when it's done via the often vapid medium of commercial TV. And
Barney, Opie, Otis, Goober, Gomer, Floyd, Ernest, Helen, Thelma Lou and
Aunt Bee serve as acolytes along this comic path to enlightment.
The first school of Mayberry theology started in Huntsville, Ala., in June 1998.
Twickenham Church of Christ parishioners Joey Fann and Brad Grasham ...
continued in NuTH0uSE Treatment 64
CELEBRITY MONSTERS
SHARE HOLLYWOOD SECRETS
The scandals behind the bloodshed...
BOO! Welcome to NuTH0uSE's Halloween Party. Before we partake of the
tricks and treats, let's chat with our distinguished guests. We've got three
legends of horror here - Dracula, Frankenstein and Wolfman.
Gentlemen, thank you for joining us on this special evening. Take your seats.
Help yourself to some nachos.
Frankenstein: This place is a dump.
Dracula: I should have gone to Elvira's. At least she's got an open bar.
Wolfman: You're out of napkins.
NuTH0uSE: Uh, we've noticed that most of you monsters prefer to be known
by a single name. Is that supposed to make you scarier?
Frankenstein: Seems to work. Cher and Madonna both creep me out. Partly
because they have no last names. It's kind of un-human.
Dracula: Well, that and they both look like freaks, don't you think?
Frankenstein: Total freak-o-rama. Especially Cher. She's had more surgery
than I have.
NuTH0uSE: Are you pleased with how you've been portrayed in the movies?
Dracula: Lugosi got my accent all wrong. I couldn't understand a word he
said.
Frankenstein: Hey, at least Hollywood depicted you as someone articulate.
Karloff portrayed me as some kind of monosyllabic thug. "Ugh - fire!" What
crap. (Lights cigarette. Inhales.)
continued in NuTH0uSE Treatment 62 ...
SHARE HOLLYWOOD SECRETS
The scandals behind the bloodshed...
BOO! Welcome to NuTH0uSE's Halloween Party. Before we partake of the
tricks and treats, let's chat with our distinguished guests. We've got three
legends of horror here - Dracula, Frankenstein and Wolfman.
Gentlemen, thank you for joining us on this special evening. Take your seats.
Help yourself to some nachos.
Frankenstein: This place is a dump.
Dracula: I should have gone to Elvira's. At least she's got an open bar.
Wolfman: You're out of napkins.
NuTH0uSE: Uh, we've noticed that most of you monsters prefer to be known
by a single name. Is that supposed to make you scarier?
Frankenstein: Seems to work. Cher and Madonna both creep me out. Partly
because they have no last names. It's kind of un-human.
Dracula: Well, that and they both look like freaks, don't you think?
Frankenstein: Total freak-o-rama. Especially Cher. She's had more surgery
than I have.
NuTH0uSE: Are you pleased with how you've been portrayed in the movies?
Dracula: Lugosi got my accent all wrong. I couldn't understand a word he
said.
Frankenstein: Hey, at least Hollywood depicted you as someone articulate.
Karloff portrayed me as some kind of monosyllabic thug. "Ugh - fire!" What
crap. (Lights cigarette. Inhales.)
continued in NuTH0uSE Treatment 62 ...
editorial in NuTH0uSE Treatment 63,
following the 9/11 terrorist attacks...
A Message from the Publishers: The Blessings of Mirth
Humor magazines may seem irrelevant and inappropriate during these tragic
times. Yet we regard our continuing publication to be an act of defiance, a
refusal to submit to terrorism's intimidation -- along the lines of Broadway's
refusal to shut off its neon or shut down its ticket windows. Humanity's
capacity for evil can make us doubt and fear. Yet we believe humanity's ability
to enjoy and celebrate life is immeasurably stronger and more enduring. If
humor is to be void because of terrorists' actions and threats, what is our
quality of life? We will live in a society that militant extremists want to impose
on the world, a grim, barbaric place in which all rights and freedoms - all
smiles and chortles, for that manner -- have vanished. We will not have our
sense of humor held captive. As we enter the Yuletide season of faith and
good cheer, we hope all friends of this publication and others that promote
levity will remember that mirth is not a sin. It is a blessing that, now perhaps
more than ever before, we cannot take for granted. Twin Rivers Press
following the 9/11 terrorist attacks...
A Message from the Publishers: The Blessings of Mirth
Humor magazines may seem irrelevant and inappropriate during these tragic
times. Yet we regard our continuing publication to be an act of defiance, a
refusal to submit to terrorism's intimidation -- along the lines of Broadway's
refusal to shut off its neon or shut down its ticket windows. Humanity's
capacity for evil can make us doubt and fear. Yet we believe humanity's ability
to enjoy and celebrate life is immeasurably stronger and more enduring. If
humor is to be void because of terrorists' actions and threats, what is our
quality of life? We will live in a society that militant extremists want to impose
on the world, a grim, barbaric place in which all rights and freedoms - all
smiles and chortles, for that manner -- have vanished. We will not have our
sense of humor held captive. As we enter the Yuletide season of faith and
good cheer, we hope all friends of this publication and others that promote
levity will remember that mirth is not a sin. It is a blessing that, now perhaps
more than ever before, we cannot take for granted. Twin Rivers Press
POLICE BLOTTER incident report: abduction, homicide, child neglect 1430 hours. Responded to complainants in enchanted forest. No trace of bread crumb trail dispatcher told would lead to complainants' location but found residence that matched complainants' description. Domicile made of gingerbread walls, cake roof and sugar windows. Edible construction materials in apparent violation of building code. Hansel, w/m juvenile, reports that at time uncertain he and his sister, Gretel, w/f juvenile (aka "Grethel"), were abandoned in aforementioned wooded area by father and stepmother. Parents of said juveniles reported to be having marital difficulties. Victims of said domestic situation were disoriented and incapable of returning to their primary residence on their own accord. Elderly w/f suspect allegedly enticed complainants into said gingerbread dwelling. Male victim reports that suspect confined him in metal enclosure and made verbal threats that she would fatten and consume said victim. Female victim reports that suspect restricted her to housekeeping chores. Female victim reports she pushed suspect into preheated oven and released male victim from metal enclosure. Suspect's ashes retrieved for coroner's investigation. Complainants released to custody of juvenile welfare authorities. excerpted from NuTH0uSE Treatment 1 |
ALL YOU NEED IS HATE
Welcome. delegates, to the annual convention of the National Conference of
Bigots.
We would like to thank our host city but it contractually stipulated that it does
not want to be publicly identified. Let us just say,on the record, that we are
convening somewhere in the continental United States in a rented space
with more than adequate seating capacity and relatively easy access to a
tattoo shop and gun range.
First, a matter of protocol. While most politically motivated conventions
segregate attendees by home state, we prefer a more universally accepted
method. We need to categorize you, and your right to vote, in terms of
ethnic origin and shades of pigmentation. Please, if the brown-skinned
people will congregate and the lilly-white people will do the same, we can
begin to ...
continued in NuTH0uSE Treatment 97...
Welcome. delegates, to the annual convention of the National Conference of
Bigots.
We would like to thank our host city but it contractually stipulated that it does
not want to be publicly identified. Let us just say,on the record, that we are
convening somewhere in the continental United States in a rented space
with more than adequate seating capacity and relatively easy access to a
tattoo shop and gun range.
First, a matter of protocol. While most politically motivated conventions
segregate attendees by home state, we prefer a more universally accepted
method. We need to categorize you, and your right to vote, in terms of
ethnic origin and shades of pigmentation. Please, if the brown-skinned
people will congregate and the lilly-white people will do the same, we can
begin to ...
continued in NuTH0uSE Treatment 97...